Try scrolling through Tumblr while listening to a stand up comedian’s special… And right as the audience is applauding something, you come across a gif of someone clapping.
One of the best and worst lines in a musical comic’s special. Ever.
I masturbate because I’m the only one whose standards are low enough to fuck me.
Okay Bo. XD
When I was a baby, maybe I laughed at people jiggling keys
Now I’m older and bolder and just get mad coz I notice that the keys aren’t to a Hummer
I hate catchy choruses and I’m a hypocrite
Hungry hungry hypocrite
Remember what I said about those fucking band aids that have the strings in them and are supposed to be all waterproof? I just tried to take one off and only the very TOP layer came off. The strings and the actual gauze pad remained firmly in place. D
An apple a day keeps the doctor away
Haha, nice. =D
“On the way here, there was this big street poster for Iron Man 3, and I’m looking at it, and it’s so odd to me that I still don’t really directly identify with it.”